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"Scott in Florida" <JustAsk@Florida.com> wrote in message
news:mmrto11ofhr3u0t80kdk14g2vs38vedc6b@4ax.com...[color=blue]
>
>
> 1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on
> demand
>
> 2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and
> governments create prosperity.
>
> 3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding
> Americans are more of a threat than U.S.nuclear weapons technology in
> the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.
>
> 4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
> 5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by
> documented cyclical changes in the earth's climate and more affected
> by soccer moms driving SUV's.
>
> 6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being
> homosexual is natural.
>
> 7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of
> federal funding.
>
> 8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach
> 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids
> about sex.
>
> 9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but
> loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
>
> 10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than
> actually doing something to earn it.
>
> 11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own
> money to make The Passion Of The Christ for financial gain only.
>
> 12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain
> parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports
> certain parts of the Constitution.
>
> 13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too
> high.
>
> 14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are
> more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert
> E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.
>
> 15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but
> racial quotas and set-asides are not.
>
> 16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very
> nice person.
>
> 17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked
> anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in
> charge.
>
> 18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in
> jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.
>
> 19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag,
> transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected,
> and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
>
> 20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the
> Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United
> States.
>
> 21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right
> wing conspiracy.
> --
>
> Scott in Florida[/color]



21 Ways To Be A Good Republican

1) You have to believe that the nation's current 8-year prosperity was due
to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but that yesterday's gas
prices are all Clinton's fault.

2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all
on their own.

3) You have to be against government programs, but expect Social Security
checks on time.

4) You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives,
yet you want government to regulate only opposite-gender marriages and what
your official language should be.

5) You have to believe that pollution is ok, so long as it makes a profit.

6) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to
Allah or Buddha.

7) You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.

8) You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about
her own body, but that large multi-national corporations should have no
regulation or interference whatsoever.

9) You believe Jesus loves you, and by the way, Jesus shares your hatred of
AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President Clinton.

10) You have to believe that society is color-blind and growing up black in
America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote for
Alan Keyes.

11) You have to believe that it was wise to allow Ken Starr to spend $50
million dollars to attack Clinton because no other U.S. presidents have ever
been unfaithful to their wives.

12) You have to believe that a waiting period for purchasing a handgun is
bad because quick access to a new firearm is an important concern for all
Americans.

13) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because
we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.

14) You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because they defend the
Constitution, while the NRA is good because they defend the Constitution.

15) You have to believe that socialism hasn't worked anywhere, and that
Europe doesn't exist.

16) You have to believe the AIDS virus is not important enough to deserve
federal funding proportionate to the resulting death rate and that the
public doesn't need to be educated about it, because if we just ignore it,
it will go away.

17) You have to believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals of
6th graders if they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the Bible,
which is full of sex and violence, is good reading.

18) You have to believe that Chinese communist missiles have killed more
Americans than handguns, alcohol, and tobacco.

19) You have to believe that even though governments have supported the arts
for 5000 years and that most of the great works of Renaissance art were paid
for by governments, our government should shun any such support. After all,
the rich can afford to buy their own and the poor don't need any.

20) You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old
growth U.S. forests is well worth the destruction of those forests and the
extinction of the several species of plants and animals therein.

21) You have to believe that we should forgive and pray for Newt Gingrich,
Henry Hyde, and Bob Livingston for their marital infidelities, but that
Clinton should be impeached.