All show and no go is not my cup of tea. With all that money you will spend on evo doo-dads, carbon fiber stickers and M3 mirrors I would take that and turn it towards upgrading suspension first. You said you want to make the car look nicer, not ricer. Lower the car before shelling out your hard earned cash for a kit. Maybe add RSB if you really want her to turn, then a set of classy rims on quality high performance rubber. Dump the muffler and go full cat-back (headers too if you got the dough). I know its the trendy PimP mY RyDe thing to do now but unless you are rich forget about the PS2 and TV's. Finally, get a brand-name intake that wont throw codes, or custom fabricate a CAI yourself.
Opinions are like buttholes, everybody has one, this just happens to be mine.