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I try to stay away from anything that is associated with that man.

Try Meguiar's ScratchX. It's basiaclly an abrasive or a light polish and you can find it at your local auto store. If this doesn't remove the scratches then try polishing them out. Make sure you apply wax after using ScratchX or polishing.

And for future reference, I recommend you ask your paint related questions in the Detailing & Car Care forum. That's where all the hardcore detailers hang.