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Old 10-12-2005, 04:00 PM   #1 (permalink)
Scott in Florida
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OT Liberals/Conservatives

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get
man to the beer.

These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the
catalyst for splitting humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals
and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were
invented yet, so our early human ancestors just stayed close to the
brewery.

That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is
known as "the Conservative movement."

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing
the sewing, weaving and hair dressing. This was the beginning of "the
Liberal movement." Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into
women. The rest became known as 'girleymen.' Some noteworthy liberal
achievements include domestication of cats, the trade union, class
action lawsuits, the invention of group therapy & group hugs and the
concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer
that conservatives provided. Over the years conservatives came to be
symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the
elephant.

Liberals were symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like
their beef well done. Sushi, tofu and French food are standard
liberal fare. Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of
their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most
social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, hair dressers,
Hollywood dreamers and group therapists are liberals.

Liberals invented baseball's designated hitter rule because it wasn't
"fair" to make the pitcher bat. Conservatives drink domestic beer and
eat red meat & potatoes.
Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,
construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
executives, soldiers, self employed, athletes & generally anyone who
works productively.

Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to
work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the
producers and decide what to do with the production. They also like
to take money away from successful people and give it to the failures.
Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That
is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were
coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame &
created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing. Thus ends
today's lesson in world history. Tomorrow we will discuss the origins
and evolution of whining.

--------------------------------
--

Scott in Florida

Still Voting Democratic?

You are Stuck On Stupid!
 
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Old 10-12-2005, 05:39 PM   #2 (permalink)
noneyabusiness
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Re: OT Liberals/Conservatives

On Wed, 12 Oct 2005 17:00:01 -0400, Scott in Florida
<JustAsk@Florida.com> wrote:
[color=blue]
>The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
>beer and the invention of the wheel.[/color]

And fire ...The THREE most important events...
[color=blue]
>The wheel was invented to get
>man to the beer.
>
>These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the
>catalyst for splitting humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals
>and Conservatives.
>
>Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
>of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were
>invented yet, so our early human ancestors just stayed close to the
>brewery.
>
>That's how villages were formed.
>
>Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night
>while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is
>known as "the Conservative movement."
>
>Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
>off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing
>the sewing, weaving and hair dressing. This was the beginning of "the
>Liberal movement." Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into
>women. The rest became known as 'girleymen.' Some noteworthy liberal
>achievements include domestication of cats, the trade union, class
>action lawsuits, the invention of group therapy & group hugs and the
>concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer
>that conservatives provided. Over the years conservatives came to be
>symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the
>elephant.
>
>Liberals were symbolized by the jackass.
>
>Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
>white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like
>their beef well done. Sushi, tofu and French food are standard
>liberal fare. Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of
>their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most
>social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, hair dressers,
>Hollywood dreamers and group therapists are liberals.
>
>Liberals invented baseball's designated hitter rule because it wasn't
>"fair" to make the pitcher bat. Conservatives drink domestic beer and
>eat red meat & potatoes.[/color]

Red meat (med.Rare plz!) and potatoes are good, but Guinness and
Boddingtons are the best beers!
[color=blue]
>Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,
>construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
>executives, soldiers, self employed, athletes & generally anyone who
>works productively.[/color]

So, all of the GAY big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,
construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
executives, soldiers, self employed and athletes are NOT liberals ?!?
(Is it possible to be gay AND conservative at the same time?)
;-)
[color=blue]
>Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to
>work for a living.
>[/color]
[color=blue]
>Liberals produce little or nothing.[/color]

Tell that to all the Liberal / Democrat business owners out there ...
[color=blue]
>They like to "govern" the
>producers and decide what to do with the production. They also like
>to take money away from successful people and give it to the failures.
>Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That
>is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were
>coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame &
>created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.[/color]
[color=blue]
>Thus ends today's lesson in world history. Tomorrow we will discuss the origins
>and evolution of whining.[/color]

Overall, only somewhat funny.

Like much of the CON-servative mindset in this group, it's ego-centric
and myopic.

And it all sounds a bit "whiny" to me ;-)

(Dang, there I go feeding the TROLLS again...!)

....
 
Old 10-12-2005, 05:58 PM   #3 (permalink)
.DBU.,
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Re: OT Liberals/Conservatives

In article <c8uqk19f32tcmmf9qansoaf7v2prs4csqv@4ax.com>,
Scott in Florida <JustAsk@Florida.com> wrote:
[color=blue]
> The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
> beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get
> man to the beer.
>
> These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the
> catalyst for splitting humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals
> and Conservatives.
>
> Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
> of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were
> invented yet, so our early human ancestors just stayed close to the
> brewery.
>
> That's how villages were formed.
>
> Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night
> while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is
> known as "the Conservative movement."
>
> Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
> off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing
> the sewing, weaving and hair dressing. This was the beginning of "the
> Liberal movement." Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into
> women. The rest became known as 'girleymen.' Some noteworthy liberal
> achievements include domestication of cats, the trade union, class
> action lawsuits, the invention of group therapy & group hugs and the
> concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer
> that conservatives provided. Over the years conservatives came to be
> symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the
> elephant.
>
> Liberals were symbolized by the jackass.
>
> Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
> white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like
> their beef well done. Sushi, tofu and French food are standard
> liberal fare. Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of
> their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most
> social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, hair dressers,
> Hollywood dreamers and group therapists are liberals.
>
> Liberals invented baseball's designated hitter rule because it wasn't
> "fair" to make the pitcher bat. Conservatives drink domestic beer and
> eat red meat & potatoes.
> Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,
> construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
> executives, soldiers, self employed, athletes & generally anyone who
> works productively.
>
> Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to
> work for a living.
>
> Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the
> producers and decide what to do with the production. They also like
> to take money away from successful people and give it to the failures.
> Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That
> is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were
> coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame &
> created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing. Thus ends
> today's lesson in world history. Tomorrow we will discuss the origins
> and evolution of whining.
>
> --------------------------------[/color]







"Over the years conservatives came to be
symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the
elephant.

Liberals were symbolized by the jackass."

The Jackass?? LOL!!
--




 
Old 10-12-2005, 06:21 PM   #4 (permalink)
Scott in Florida
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Re: OT Liberals/Conservatives

On Wed, 12 Oct 2005 22:58:42 GMT, ".DBU.," <foolishlefties@Zapem.com>
wrote:
[color=blue]
>
>"Over the years conservatives came to be
>symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the
>elephant.
>
>Liberals were symbolized by the jackass."
>
>The Jackass?? LOL!!
>--
>[/color]

It was just TOO good to pass up......LOL

--

Scott in Florida

Still Voting Democratic?

You are Stuck On Stupid!
 
Old 10-12-2005, 06:36 PM   #5 (permalink)
.DBU.,
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Re: OT Liberals/Conservatives

In article <l13rk15jae4srv7ah96ppgqp8mp8pskvj3@4ax.com>,
noneyabusiness <me@you.com> wrote:
[color=blue]
> On Wed, 12 Oct 2005 17:00:01 -0400, Scott in Florida
> <JustAsk@Florida.com> wrote:
>[color=green]
> >The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
> >beer and the invention of the wheel.[/color]
>
> And fire ...The THREE most important events...
>[color=green]
> >The wheel was invented to get
> >man to the beer.
> >
> >These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the
> >catalyst for splitting humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals
> >and Conservatives.
> >
> >Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
> >of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were
> >invented yet, so our early human ancestors just stayed close to the
> >brewery.
> >
> >That's how villages were formed.
> >
> >Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night
> >while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is
> >known as "the Conservative movement."
> >
> >Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
> >off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing
> >the sewing, weaving and hair dressing. This was the beginning of "the
> >Liberal movement." Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into
> >women. The rest became known as 'girleymen.' Some noteworthy liberal
> >achievements include domestication of cats, the trade union, class
> >action lawsuits, the invention of group therapy & group hugs and the
> >concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer
> >that conservatives provided. Over the years conservatives came to be
> >symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the
> >elephant.
> >
> >Liberals were symbolized by the jackass.
> >
> >Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
> >white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like
> >their beef well done. Sushi, tofu and French food are standard
> >liberal fare. Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of
> >their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most
> >social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, hair dressers,
> >Hollywood dreamers and group therapists are liberals.
> >
> >Liberals invented baseball's designated hitter rule because it wasn't
> >"fair" to make the pitcher bat. Conservatives drink domestic beer and
> >eat red meat & potatoes.[/color]
>
> Red meat (med.Rare plz!) and potatoes are good, but Guinness and
> Boddingtons are the best beers!
>[color=green]
> >Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,
> >construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
> >executives, soldiers, self employed, athletes & generally anyone who
> >works productively.[/color]
>
> So, all of the GAY big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,
> construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
> executives, soldiers, self employed and athletes are NOT liberals ?!?
> (Is it possible to be gay AND conservative at the same time?)
> ;-)
>[color=green]
> >Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to
> >work for a living.
> >[/color]
>[color=green]
> >Liberals produce little or nothing.[/color]
>
> Tell that to all the Liberal / Democrat business owners out there ...
>[color=green]
> >They like to "govern" the
> >producers and decide what to do with the production. They also like
> >to take money away from successful people and give it to the failures.
> >Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That
> >is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were
> >coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame &
> >created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.[/color]
>[color=green]
> >Thus ends today's lesson in world history. Tomorrow we will discuss the
> >origins
> >and evolution of whining.[/color]
>
> Overall, only somewhat funny.
>
> Like much of the CON-servative mindset in this group, it's ego-centric
> and myopic.
>
> And it all sounds a bit "whiny" to me ;-)
>
> (Dang, there I go feeding the TROLLS again...!)
>
> ...[/color]

I take it you didn't think it was funny?
--




 
Old 10-12-2005, 07:34 PM   #6 (permalink)
Hachiroku
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Re: OT Liberals/Conservatives

On Wed, 12 Oct 2005 22:39:11 +0000, noneyabusiness wrote:
[color=blue]
> On Wed, 12 Oct 2005 17:00:01 -0400, Scott in Florida
> <JustAsk@Florida.com> wrote:
>[color=green]
>>The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
>>beer and the invention of the wheel.[/color]
>
> And fire ...The THREE most important events...
>[color=green]
>>The wheel was invented to get
>>man to the beer.
>>
>>These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the
>>catalyst for splitting humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals
>>and Conservatives.
>>
>>Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
>>of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were
>>invented yet, so our early human ancestors just stayed close to the
>>brewery.
>>
>>That's how villages were formed.
>>
>>Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night
>>while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is
>>known as "the Conservative movement."
>>
>>Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
>>off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing
>>the sewing, weaving and hair dressing. This was the beginning of "the
>>Liberal movement." Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into
>>women. The rest became known as 'girleymen.' Some noteworthy liberal
>>achievements include domestication of cats, the trade union, class
>>action lawsuits, the invention of group therapy & group hugs and the
>>concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer
>>that conservatives provided. Over the years conservatives came to be
>>symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the
>>elephant.
>>
>>Liberals were symbolized by the jackass.
>>
>>Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
>>white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like
>>their beef well done. Sushi, tofu and French food are standard
>>liberal fare. Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of
>>their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most
>>social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, hair dressers,
>>Hollywood dreamers and group therapists are liberals.
>>
>>Liberals invented baseball's designated hitter rule because it wasn't
>>"fair" to make the pitcher bat. Conservatives drink domestic beer and
>>eat red meat & potatoes.[/color]
>
> Red meat (med.Rare plz!) and potatoes are good, but Guinness and
> Boddingtons are the best beers!
>[color=green]
>>Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,
>>construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
>>executives, soldiers, self employed, athletes & generally anyone who
>>works productively.[/color]
>
> So, all of the GAY big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,
> construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
> executives, soldiers, self employed and athletes are NOT liberals ?!?
> (Is it possible to be gay AND conservative at the same time?)
> ;-)
>[color=green]
>>Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to
>>work for a living.
>>[/color]
>[color=green]
>>Liberals produce little or nothing.[/color]
>
> Tell that to all the Liberal / Democrat business owners out there ...
>[color=green]
>>They like to "govern" the
>>producers and decide what to do with the production. They also like
>>to take money away from successful people and give it to the failures.
>>Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That
>>is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were
>>coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame &
>>created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.[/color]
>[color=green]
>>Thus ends today's lesson in world history. Tomorrow we will discuss the origins
>>and evolution of whining.[/color]
>
> Overall, only somewhat funny.
>
> Like much of the CON-servative mindset in this group, it's ego-centric
> and myopic.
>
> And it all sounds a bit "whiny" to me ;-)
>
> (Dang, there I go feeding the TROLLS again...!)
>
> ...[/color]


Feeeeeeeed meeeeee......Feeeeeeeeed meeeeeeee!
 
Old 10-13-2005, 08:28 AM   #7 (permalink)
Dan J.S.
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Re: OT Liberals/Conservatives

>[color=blue]
> Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
> white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like
> their beef well done.[/color]

I must make a comment here. I TRIED liking American beer, but except for
Samuel Adams, and MAYBE Budweiser (when its hot out) I can't drink it.
Miller Lite tastes like spoiled beer.

However, the most refreshing beer has to be a Corona with a lime - and I am
not a liberal.

And will also tell you, for all the faults of the French, they make some of
the best food. Them and Italians.

However to add to that, I think California wine is better than French, but
NO ONE can beat Italian wine.

And nothing is better than a Jewish bakery for breads.

Damn - I am getting hungry...


 
Old 10-13-2005, 10:14 AM   #8 (permalink)
Learning Richard
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Re: OT Liberals/Conservatives


Dan J.S. wrote:[color=blue][color=green]
> >
> > Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
> > white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like
> > their beef well done.[/color]
>
> I must make a comment here. I TRIED liking American beer, but except for
> Samuel Adams, and MAYBE Budweiser (when its hot out) I can't drink it.
> Miller Lite tastes like spoiled beer.[/color]

latte conservative
[color=blue]
>
> However, the most refreshing beer has to be a Corona with a lime - and I am
> not a liberal.
>
> And will also tell you, for all the faults of the French, they make some of
> the best food. Them and Italians.
>
> However to add to that, I think California wine is better than French, but
> NO ONE can beat Italian wine.
>
> And nothing is better than a Jewish bakery for breads.
>
> Damn - I am getting hungry...[/color]

 
Old 10-13-2005, 10:23 AM   #9 (permalink)
Hachiroku
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Re: OT Liberals/Conservatives

On Thu, 13 Oct 2005 08:28:26 -0500, Dan J.S. wrote:
[color=blue][color=green]
>>
>> Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
>> white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like
>> their beef well done.[/color]
>
> I must make a comment here. I TRIED liking American beer, but except for
> Samuel Adams, and MAYBE Budweiser (when its hot out) I can't drink it.
> Miller Lite tastes like spoiled beer.
>
> However, the most refreshing beer has to be a Corona with a lime - and I am
> not a liberal.[/color]

Than you must be a Pansy! ;) (Um, I've had my share of Corona with lime...)
[color=blue]
>
> And will also tell you, for all the faults of the French, they make some of
> the best food. Them and Italians.[/color]

Don't forget wine, esp Dom Perignon...
[color=blue]
>
> However to add to that, I think California wine is better than French, but
> NO ONE can beat Italian wine.[/color]

The stuff that tastes like Welch's and drops you on the spot?
[color=blue]
>
> And nothing is better than a Jewish bakery for breads.[/color]

This one I could argue. There is a bakery 12 miles from my home that had
baked goods to die for! They aren't Jewish. Don't matter...if they were
Iraqis I'd still go there!
[color=blue]
>
> Damn - I am getting hungry...[/color]

Garlic bread roast beef sandwich sounds good right about now!
 
Old 10-13-2005, 11:34 AM   #10 (permalink)
Hachiroku
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Re: OT Liberals/Conservatives

On Thu, 13 Oct 2005 08:14:51 -0700, Learning Richard wrote:
[color=blue]
>
> Dan J.S. wrote:[color=green][color=darkred]
>> >
>> > Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
>> > white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like
>> > their beef well done.[/color]
>>
>> I must make a comment here. I TRIED liking American beer, but except for
>> Samuel Adams, and MAYBE Budweiser (when its hot out) I can't drink it.
>> Miller Lite tastes like spoiled beer.[/color]
>
> latte conservative[/color]

NOT on your life!

$5 for a cup of coffee??? I don't think so.

The real disgusting part...I was thinking of a chain of coffee shops
serving gourmet coffees...about 6 months before I even heard of Starbucks....

:(.....

No guts (OR money...) no glory.
[color=blue]
>[color=green]
>>
>> However, the most refreshing beer has to be a Corona with a lime - and I am
>> not a liberal.
>>
>> And will also tell you, for all the faults of the French, they make some of
>> the best food. Them and Italians.
>>
>> However to add to that, I think California wine is better than French, but
>> NO ONE can beat Italian wine.
>>
>> And nothing is better than a Jewish bakery for breads.
>>
>> Damn - I am getting hungry...[/color][/color]

 
Old 10-13-2005, 01:08 PM   #11 (permalink)
Mike Hunter
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Re: OT Liberals/Conservatives

Perhaps you might try Yuengling beer. There is a good reasaon it is the
oldest beer in America. D G Yuengling brews in Pottsvlle Pennslvania and
Tampa Florida.

mike hunt


"Dan J.S." <me@hyperx.com> wrote in message
news:11kso7rgobe7pee@news.supernews.com...[color=blue][color=green]
> >
>> Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
>> white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like
>> their beef well done.[/color]
>
> I must make a comment here. I TRIED liking American beer, but except for
> Samuel Adams, and MAYBE Budweiser (when its hot out) I can't drink it.
> Miller Lite tastes like spoiled beer.
>
> However, the most refreshing beer has to be a Corona with a lime - and I
> am not a liberal.
>
> And will also tell you, for all the faults of the French, they make some
> of the best food. Them and Italians.
>
> However to add to that, I think California wine is better than French, but
> NO ONE can beat Italian wine.
>
> And nothing is better than a Jewish bakery for breads.
>
> Damn - I am getting hungry...
>[/color]


 
Old 10-13-2005, 02:33 PM   #12 (permalink)
Dan J.S.
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Re: OT Liberals/Conservatives


"Mike Hunter" <mikehunt2@mailcity.com> wrote in message
news:0pCdnQcsFfEyP9PeUSdV9g@ptd.net...[color=blue]
> Perhaps you might try Yuengling beer. There is a good reasaon it is the
> oldest beer in America. D G Yuengling brews in Pottsvlle Pennslvania and
> Tampa Florida.
>
> mike hunt[/color]

I am always looking for new beers to try. I will see if I can order it
online somewhere...


 
Old 10-13-2005, 02:34 PM   #13 (permalink)
Dan J.S.
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Re: OT Liberals/Conservatives

>[color=blue]
> This one I could argue. There is a bakery 12 miles from my home that had
> baked goods to die for! They aren't Jewish. Don't matter...if they were
> Iraqis I'd still go there![/color]

Yeah I am talking breads, bagels, etc...

for sweets, there are alternatives, but just for breads, Jewish bakeries
seem to hit the spot for me...


 
Old 10-13-2005, 03:51 PM   #14 (permalink)
The Duke
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Re: OT Liberals/Conservatives

Obviously written by someone with too much time on his hands.

I hope I don't have to waste away my days like this when I am this old.



"Scott in Florida" <JustAsk@Florida.com> wrote in message
news:c8uqk19f32tcmmf9qansoaf7v2prs4csqv@4ax.com...[color=blue]
> The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
> beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get
> man to the beer.
>
> These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the
> catalyst for splitting humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals
> and Conservatives.
>
> Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
> of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were
> invented yet, so our early human ancestors just stayed close to the
> brewery.
>
> That's how villages were formed.
>
> Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night
> while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is
> known as "the Conservative movement."
>
> Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
> off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing
> the sewing, weaving and hair dressing. This was the beginning of "the
> Liberal movement." Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into
> women. The rest became known as 'girleymen.' Some noteworthy liberal
> achievements include domestication of cats, the trade union, class
> action lawsuits, the invention of group therapy & group hugs and the
> concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer
> that conservatives provided. Over the years conservatives came to be
> symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the
> elephant.
>
> Liberals were symbolized by the jackass.
>
> Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
> white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like
> their beef well done. Sushi, tofu and French food are standard
> liberal fare. Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of
> their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most
> social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, hair dressers,
> Hollywood dreamers and group therapists are liberals.
>
> Liberals invented baseball's designated hitter rule because it wasn't
> "fair" to make the pitcher bat. Conservatives drink domestic beer and
> eat red meat & potatoes.
> Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,
> construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
> executives, soldiers, self employed, athletes & generally anyone who
> works productively.
>
> Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to
> work for a living.
>
> Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the
> producers and decide what to do with the production. They also like
> to take money away from successful people and give it to the failures.
> Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That
> is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were
> coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame &
> created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing. Thus ends
> today's lesson in world history. Tomorrow we will discuss the origins
> and evolution of whining.
>
> --------------------------------
> --
>
> Scott in Florida
>
> Still Voting Democratic?
>
> You are Stuck On Stupid![/color]


 
Old 10-13-2005, 04:47 PM   #15 (permalink)
Hachiroku
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Re: OT Liberals/Conservatives

On Thu, 13 Oct 2005 14:34:33 -0500, Dan J.S. wrote:
[color=blue][color=green]
>>
>> This one I could argue. There is a bakery 12 miles from my home that had
>> baked goods to die for! They aren't Jewish. Don't matter...if they were
>> Iraqis I'd still go there![/color]
>
> Yeah I am talking breads, bagels, etc...
>
> for sweets, there are alternatives, but just for breads, Jewish bakeries
> seem to hit the spot for me...[/color]


In total agreement there!
 
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