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Re: [OT] diary -->joke<--
"badgolferman" <REMOVETHISbadgolferman@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:xn0e8v84m9zu9n1000@news.readfreenews.net...[color=blue]
>A SOUTHERNER MOVES UP NORTH
>
> Dear Diary,
>
> Dec 8, 5:00 P.M.
> It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one we've
> seen in years. The wife and I took our hot buttered rums and sat by
> the picture window, watching the snow flakes drift down, clinging to
> the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful!
>
> Dec 9
> We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the
> landscape. What a fantastic sight! Every tree and shrub covered with a
> beautiful white mantel. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and
> loved it. I did both our driveway and sidewalk. Later, a city snowplow
> came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow
> from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shoveled
> it again.
>
> Dec 10
> It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature dropped
> to 11 degrees. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs snapped due to the
> weight of the snow. I shoveled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards,
> the snowplow came by again and did his trick. Much of the snow is now
> brownish-gray.
>
> Dec 11
> Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush, which soon became
> ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tires for both
> cars. Fell on my ass in the driveway. $145.00 for a chiropractor, but
> nothing was broken. More snow and ice expected.
>
> Dec 12
> Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought a 4X4 in order to get her
> to work. Slid into a guardrail anyway and did a considerable amount of
> damage to the right rear quarter panel. Had another 8 inches of the
> white shit last night. Both vehicles covered in salt and crud. More
> shoveling in store for me today. That goddamn snowplow came by twice
> today.
>
> Dec 13
> 2 degrees outside. More fuckin' snow. Not a tree or shrub on our
> property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night.
> Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene
> heater, which tipped over and damn near burned the house down. I
> managed to put the flame out but suffered second degree burns and lost
> all my eyebrows and eyelashes. Car slid on ice on way to emergency
> room and was totaled.
>
> Dec 14
> Goddamn mother-fuckin' white shit keeps coming down. Have to put on all
> the clothes we own just to get the fuckin' mailbox. If I ever catch the
> son-of-a-bitch that drives the snowplow I'll chew open his chest and
> rip out his heart. I think he hides around the corner and waits for me
> to finish shoveling and then comes down the street about 100 mph and
> buries our driveway again. Power still off. Toilet froze and part of
> the roof has started to cave in.
>
> Dec 15
> 6 goddamn more fuckin' inches of fuckin' snow and fuckin' sleet and
> fuckin' ice and who knows what other kind of white shit fell last
> night. I wounded the fuckin' snowplow asshole with an ice ax, but he
> got away. Wife left me. Car won't start. I think I'm going snow-blind.
> I can't move my toes. Haven't seen the sun in weeks. More snow
> predicted. Wind chill factor -22 fuckin' degrees. Screw this shit, I'm
> moving back to Georgia.[/color]
Some of us DamnYankees feel that way, too.
Charles of Kankakee
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