"Scott in Florida" <askifyouwant@mindspring.net> wrote in message
news:smn0j29da63vv4fc6bigu9vhgeg39avas9@4ax.com...[color=blue]
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> This perhaps would be humorous if not so terribly plausible.
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> 6:00 p.m. - Opening flag burning ceremony
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> 6:05 p.m. - Opening secular prayers by Rev. Jesse Jackson
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> and Rev. Al Sharpton
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> 6:30 p.m. - Anti-war concert by the Dixie Chicks and Barbara
> Streisand
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> 6:40 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
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> 7:00 p.m. - Tribute theme to France
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> 7:10 p.m. - Collect offerings for al-Zawahri defense fund
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> 7:25 p.m. - Bill Clinton seminar on the benefits of using interns
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> in the White House
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> 7:45 p.m. - Anti-war rally (Moderated by Michael Moore)
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> 8:25 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
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> 8:30 p.m. - Terrorist appeasement workshop
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> 9:00 p.m. - Multiple gay marriage ceremony
> (threesomes, mixed, and same sex)
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> 9:30 p.m. - *Intermission*
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> 10:00 p.m. - Posting the Iraqi Colors by Sean Penn and Tim Robbins
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> 10:10 p.m. - Re-enactment of Kerry's fake medal toss
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> 10:20 p.m. - Screaming lessons by Howard Dean
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> 10:30 p.m. - Abortion demonstration by N.A.R.A.L.
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> 10:40 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
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> 10:50 p.m. - Pledge of allegiance to the UN
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> 11:00 p.m. - Effective taxation discussion led by Jimmy Carter
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> 11:15 p.m. - Maximizing Welfare workshop
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> 11:30 p.m. - 'Free Saddam' pep rally
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> 11:59 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
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> Midnight - Nomination of democratic candidate
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> Any chance we could get Ted Kennedy to drive Hillary home from the
> convention?
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> --
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> Scott in Florida[/color]
Republican National Convention Schedule
06:00 pm - Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
06:30 pm - Pledge of Allegiance
06:35 pm - Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
06:45 pm - Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
06:46 pm - Seminar #1: "Getting your kid a military deferment"
07:30 pm - First Presidential Beer Bash for Bush
07:35 pm - Serve Freedom Fries
07:40 pm - EPA Address #1: "Mercury: how to ignore the 14 states litigating
against the U.S. government"
07:50 pm - William Safire on the dangers of non-Protestant religion
08:00 pm - Vote on which country to invade next
08:05 pm - Trent Lott recognizes/salutes the KKK contingent
08:10 pm - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
08:15 pm - John Ashcroft Lecture: "The Homos are after your children"
08:30 pm - Roundtable discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
08:50 pm - Seminar #2: "Corporations: the government of the future"
09:00 pm - Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
09:05 pm - Second Presidential Beer Bash for Bush
09:10 pm - EPA Address #2:" Trees: the real cause of forest fires"
09:15 pm - Roundtable discussion on the best way to bankrupt the federal
government.
09:30 pm - Break for secret meetings
09:35 pm - Dick Cheney on why we must invade Canada and find their weapons
of mass destruction.
10:00 pm - Second prayer led by Pat Robertson
10:15 pm - Lecture by Karl Rove: "Doublespeak made easy"
10:30 pm - Rumsfeld demonstration of how to squint and talk macho
10:35 pm - Bush demonstration of his trademark "deer in the headlights"
stare
10:40 pm - John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory kevlar chastity belt
10:45 pm - Clarence Thomas takes a minute to read the list of black
republicans
10:46 pm - Third Presidential Beer Bash for Bush
10:50 pm - Seminar #3: "Education: a drain on our nation's economy"
11:10 pm - Hillary Clinton Piñata
11:20 pm - Second Lecture by John Ashcroft: "Evolutionists -- the dangerous
new cult"
11:30 pm - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11:35 pm - Blame Clinton
11:40 pm - Laura serves milk and cookies
11:45 pm - Pass the hat for the "Kenny Lay Defense Fund"
11:50 pm - Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
12:00 am - Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Leader
After reconsideration, the 8:15 speech has been cancelled.
Linear Mode
