OT Florida jokes

Typical conversations in Florida

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
" So I hear you're getting Married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Well then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It
cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's
perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're
really doing great, aren't you?" Morris replied, "Just doing what you
said,
Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart
murmur. Be careful.'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled
himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath
he
ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" "
No," he
replied, "arthritis"
--

Scott in Florida

You got some moldy oldies in there, dood...
"Scott in Florida"

*snipping the ancient artifacts*

:-)

Natalie

"Scott in Florida" <JustAsk@Florida.com> wrote in message
news:f02sb1tghce7r8ffs6uc2vq6jddfqt3i1v@4ax.com...[color=blue]
> Typical conversations in Florida
>
> A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
> " So I hear you're getting Married?"
> "Yep!"
> "Do I know her?"
> "Nope!"
> "This woman, is she good looking?"
> "Not really."
> "Is she a good cook?"
> "Naw, she can't cook too well."
> "Does she have lots of money?"
> "Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
> "Well then, is she good in bed?"
> "I don't know."
> "Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
> "Because she can still drive!"
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Three old guys are out walking.
> First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
> Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"
> Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It
> cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's
> perfect."
> "Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
> "Twelve thirty."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
> A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
> gorgeous young woman on his arm.
> A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're
> really doing great, aren't you?" Morris replied, "Just doing what you
> said,
> Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
> The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart
> murmur. Be careful.'"
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled
> himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath
> he
> ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" "
> No," he
> replied, "arthritis"[/color]


Much better jokes than your last. =)

Scott in Florida wrote:[color=blue]
> Typical conversations in Florida
>
> A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
> " So I hear you're getting Married?"
> "Yep!"
> "Do I know her?"
> "Nope!"
> "This woman, is she good looking?"
> "Not really."
> "Is she a good cook?"
> "Naw, she can't cook too well."
> "Does she have lots of money?"
> "Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
> "Well then, is she good in bed?"
> "I don't know."
> "Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
> "Because she can still drive!"
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Three old guys are out walking.
> First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
> Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"
> Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It
> cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's
> perfect."
> "Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
> "Twelve thirty."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
> A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
> gorgeous young woman on his arm.
> A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're
> really doing great, aren't you?" Morris replied, "Just doing what you
> said,
> Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
> The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart
> murmur. Be careful.'"
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled
> himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath
> he
> ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" "
> No," he
> replied, "arthritis"
> --
>
> Scott in Florida[/color]

Charlie and Dolores, fifty-something couple, were visiting the
husband's parents in their sunny Florida home. Since it was February
and the couple lived in NYC, Charlie was as anxious as a kid to take a
nice swim in the pool!


Early one morning, Charlie comes outside to take a dip. One of his
father's buddies is sitting by the pool, having a cup of decaf.

Charlie: "Is the water cold?"
buddy: "It luke warm."

Charlie dives in, swims across and quickly jumps out, shivering like a
bald dog at an eskimo convention.

Charlie: "Holy mackerel, buddy! That water was cold as hell!"
buddy: "Well, it luke warm to me."

Old guy walks into a bar and sits by a young blond, in front of
whom the bartender had just set down a fresh drink.. He drooped
a hundred dollar bill on the bar and said, 'Take that out of here
and give me a Manhattan.' He leaned over to the blond and
whispered in her ear. 'Do I come in here often?'


mike hunt



Scott in Florida wrote:[color=blue]
>
> Typical conversations in Florida
>
> A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
> " So I hear you're getting Married?"
> "Yep!"
> "Do I know her?"
> "Nope!"
> "This woman, is she good looking?"
> "Not really."
> "Is she a good cook?"
> "Naw, she can't cook too well."
> "Does she have lots of money?"
> "Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
> "Well then, is she good in bed?"
> "I don't know."
> "Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
> "Because she can still drive!"
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Three old guys are out walking.
> First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
> Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"
> Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It
> cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's
> perfect."
> "Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
> "Twelve thirty."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
> A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
> gorgeous young woman on his arm.
> A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're
> really doing great, aren't you?" Morris replied, "Just doing what you
> said,
> Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
> The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart
> murmur. Be careful.'"
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled
> himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath
> he
> ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" "
> No," he
> replied, "arthritis"
> --
>
> Scott in Florida[/color]