And as what I think is a related note - I would like to know how to change the way the locks behave when the car is put in drive and park (currently my vehicle locks in drive and then never unlocks, which is a real pain for those in the back seat).

 

First result in Google for "sequoia auto lock" yielded this:

(This will need to be done at the dealer)


Change the following in programming via the OBDII system. (see page 144 of "New Car Features", book part number is NCF196U). It seems that most of these options are already set this way, but if you could check each one for the proper setting:

1. For Wireless door locks
a. wireless operation - YES/NO
b. Door Ajar Beeper - ON/OFF
c. Time until Auto Lock - 30sec/60sec
d. 2-step unlocking - ON/OFF
e. Interior light function - ON/OFF
f. Panic alarm - ON/OFF
g. Back window - Push 1x/Push 1x(0.8sec min)/Push twice/OFF

2. Door Locks
a. Speed sensitive locking - ON/OFF
b. Shift and brake release Linked autolock - ON/OFF
c. 2-step unlock - ON/OFF

3. Illuminated Entry
a. Interior lights when doors unlocked - ON/OFF
b. Interior light time - 7.5/15/30 sec

4. [COLOR=#FF4400 ! important][COLOR=#FF4400 ! important]Power windows[/COLOR][/COLOR]
a. Key-linked Open operation - ON/OFF
b. Key-linked Close operation - ON/OFF

5. Back window
a. Key-linked open - ON/OFF
b. Key-linked close - ON/OFF

 

Does anyone know if it is possible on an 03 to do this without going to the dealership?

I started searching on eBay to see if I could find the tool that would be used, but I must not have the proper search terms.

 

02 is dealer only, 03 can be done but it's like a 14 step process and doesn't always work (timing, sequence etc.) It's like the hokey pokey. I know the instructions used to be on another site and I thought in the owners manual. Key on, open door, close door, push lock twice, step on brake, roll down window, pat head, rub stomach, etc,

Here try this (might work for the '02 like listed)
http://www.tundrasolutions.com/forums/516937-post66/

 

I've tried a few times the procedures listed on that site. Namely

To set the mode 4 (the automatic unlocking operation linked to shift lever
position):
1. Set the parking brake, close all doors and turn the ignition switch to the “ON” position.
2. Shift the selector lever into the “P” position.
3. Press the driver’s side power door lock switch on the rear side for about 5 seconds, within 10 seconds after the ignition switch is turned to the “ON” position.
4. The doors will be locked and unlocked to indicate that the function is set.

To cancel the function, do the above operation again.



Mode 4: auto un-lock linked to shift lever

1. Turn key to ON position.
2. Shift lever in P.
3. Within 10 seconds of turning key to ON, press and hold driver side power un-lock button for 5 seconds and release.
4. Lock will flick back and forth to indicate function is set.
5. To reverse setting, repeat steps.

 

Unfortunately these steps did not work for my Sequoia.

I am using the valet key as it is the only one I have and I'm not sure if that would cause any issue.