You guys must drive on pristine roads. I can feel 2 psi difference in pretty much every car I've owned.
I typical run a cold PSI 2-3 more than what is recommended by the auto manufacturer. Trying get that extra 1/10 of an MPG that I lost with thicker oil. I also like the better steering response of a little more PSI. I've been known to drop the PSI by 2-3 when there is snow on the ground for a better footprint/traction. Automakers balance NVH, handling, comfort, wear, MPG, traction.... with their tire PSI recommendation. I'm not an average consumer so I use PSI to get what I want from the vehicle!
I also have driven 30 years and have never seen lower pressure make the tires last longer. My experience is that along with the reduced rolling resistance, there is less heat/wear on the tires and they last longer. Concerning cross section wear, radials do a pretty good job preventing that when compared to bias-ply. I'd wager most complaining about cross section wear are lost in the world of pre 1990 bias-ply tires, simply spreading hearsay, or are using an excessively high or low PSI(usually low PSI and sometimes overloaded). There are plenty of cheap radials out there with issues regardless of PSI and alignment. The biggest thing that I've seen ruining tires is the alignment and excessively low PSI causing flat spotting and overheating.
When you look at the front to rear weight distribution, you'll understand the tire pressure difference and that 'comfort' is probably the optimization point and that dealer is giving you a couple extra PSI up front because he knows its a nose heavy pig. I would just go 35 PSI all around.
Concerning tire weight capacity, rating is not at max sidewall pressure. SL/LL at 35psi and XL are 41psi. Read your tire sidewall to see if its SL or XL.
Concerning outside temp as a variables, you should be checking your PSI regularly so that you adapt to weather conditions and seasons. I find that TPMS is useless. Many trigger at too low of a PSI. And, those that report individual tire PSI are not always accurate. I guess that TPMS, along with all the other acronyms forced on the consumer, are there to make up for the owner incompetence.